In the Kitchen, Part 2
by Retronym
Summary: Did you want to see this sequel? Of course not, but too bad! Mega Man is salty like the Atlantic for his less-than-stellar eating abilities, R.O.B the gangsta spreads ROBSwag in his wake, Kirby the eating god teaches intensive lessons, and Toon Link becomes a swagalicious gangsta and GETS HITCHED? (You'd better be down with getting high, because this is 100% straight-up CRACK.)


**(Rated for ROBSWAG! and Toon Link's mouth.)**

 **Did you ask for or even want this part** **2? Of course you didn't, but here it is anyway, so don't complain or I'll throw pickles at you. I suggest that if you haven't read the original In the Kitchen, you might want to do that first, because references. This also references SpongeBob a bit and my story** _ **Microwave Cookies**_ **, so you can read that too if you want. Actually, why don't you just go read all my stories? _Please?_ Ha, just kidding. You wou** **ldn't have any brain cells left by the end. I hope you have some brain cells to spare from the first one, because here comes In the Kitchen, Part 2!**

 **DISCLAIMER: Don't take this seriously. Please. No plot. And *sigh* I don't own anything.**

It was lunchtime, AKA Mega Man's least favorite time of the day. Seriously, _everyone_ loved lunchtime and berated him for his dislike of the meal, but how the heck was he supposed to enjoy it if he couldn't eat? No one taught him how to eat. He didn't even know if he _could_ eat. Thus, he was very jealous of everyone's ability to eat food, for it seemed to be a very enjoyable experience, and got super salty about it. Today, he walked into the kitchen and casually smashed Marth's face into his bowl of Cheerios, sending the contents of the bowl everywhere and causing the prince to heave a dramatic, heartbroken sigh and gaze sadly out the window for a solid thirty minutes. He then cracked an egg over the head of Toon Link, who was reading a book titled _Bein' Gangsta fo' Dumbasses, Yo_.

"Dude!" screamed TL, yolk dripping in his hair. "Not cool! The #% $ iz yo prob?!"

Mega Man rolled his eyes saltily and stalked away. He further vented his food-deprived rage on Nana, who was opening a jar of pickles, by grabbing a pickle and throwing it at her face. Unfortunately for him, Nana had become very skillful in the art of pickle wars, and she deftly dodged the projectile while slinging her own at the blue bomber. They then got into a shouting match, shocking many of the kitchen's inhabitants. Taking her pickles was the one thing that ever angered Nana, and the subject of consuming things was the only thing that angered Mega Man.

Meanwhile, TL was trying to wash his hair out in the sink, muttering things like, "&^%*ing poser, I gonna make him pay fo' that…" However, just then, the window beside the sink smashed open, and in swaggered none other than R.O.B, shades over his eyes and a dragon tattoo snaking its way up his arm rotor. He sent a glance over the kitchen, coolly taking in the heated argument occurring nearby, and Marth, who had fallen out of his chair in shock as the window he had been broodingly gazing through exploded. He acted with what could only be defined as ROBswag. TL gasped, falling to his knees before his idol.

"What be happenin' up in here?" R.O.B asked TL. "Mah photoreceptahs be detectin' some pretty whack stuff, yo. I diziah tah be enlightened on tha current situation."

"Yo, Mega Man be actin' all wild 'cuz dude can't eat," explained TL. He gazed at the ground for a moment, then asked, "R-R.O.B? Could ya, uh, maybe, uh…"

"Yeah? Tell me whatchu inquirin' fo'."

"Does you think that you could teach me mo'…about bein' gangsta? I wanna learn that stuff better, yo."

If R.O.B had eyebrows, they would have raised off his face like in a cartoon. "What, my ass teach you how tah be gangsta?"

TL nodded nervously. "Uh-huh."

R.O.B's imaginary eyebrows wiggled. "Sho thing, little brotha! I can show ya all da right components 'n shiznit ta be tha gangsta masta. You be real smooth in no time."

TL cheered. "Yeah, man! SWAG!"

R.O.B pulled out a pair of sunglasses and placed them on TL's head. "I now pronounce ya TL, mah gangsta apprentice!"

For super-swag effects, the kitchen table exploded behind TL in a fiery blast, sending Marth flying. The prince landed on the floor on the other side of the room, heaving another tragic sigh and gazing broodingly into the distance again, for his Cheerios had been incinerated. TL, meanwhile, did not even look at the explosion, for he was simply too cool.

Upon hearing R.O.B's words, however, Ness and Popo ran into the kitchen, practically leaping onto TL.

"TL's getting MARRIED?!" yelled Ness, evidently misunderstanding R.O.B's pronouncement.

"OHMIGOSH!" screeched Popo, grabbing TL's arm. "AMAZING! WELL DONE DUDE! DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!"

"LET'S GO CELEBRATE! ICE CREAM TIME!" cried Ness, and together they swept a confused and cursing TL out of the kitchen, singing, "JUST BEEN HITCHED~!"

R.O.B watched them leave, shaking his head. He then decided it was time to address the actual reason he came into the room, Mega Man's predicament. He went over to where the Atlantic-salty robot and Nana were still yelling at each other. Nana's hood had caught on fire from the explosion, but she didn't even notice in the midst of her argument. R.O.B casually patted out the flames on her head, turning to Mega Man. "Yo, bruh, whatchu arguin' wiz dis chick fo'?"

Mega Man sighed, hanging his head. "I guess I'm just jealous of everyone…they can all eat!"

R.O.B whirred understandingly. "Yeah, da struggle's fo' real. Haz ya ever tried tah eat?"

Mega Man replied dejectedly, "Sorta, but I don't really know how…"

R.O.B thought swagaliciously for a moment, then stated, "I know how we can get yuz an eatin' tutor!"

"Really?!" Mega Man gasped, his face lighting up like the sun. Literally. He was so excited his robotic eyes began to exude massive amounts of light and threatened to blow up.

"Whoa, chillax there, Megadude," R.O.B told him. "Yuz gonna cause a big-ass explosion if yuz keep doin' that, and I'm the one who does all tha explosions 'round here."

Mega Man took a few deep breaths. "Okay. Right. Sorry." R.O.B then turned to the sky and cried, "Kirby, great god of eatin', I summon thee!"

A great burst of lightning crackled outside, and Kirby heroically swooped in through the window (because that's how all the cool kids are getting into rooms these days), riding atop his Warp star. He crashed headlong into the fridge in a flawless parking job and backflipped off, landing in front of the two robots with a huge grin. "HAI!" he squealed in his very godlike fashion.

"Heyo, Kirbz," R.O.B greeted him. "We need yo assistance fo' shizzle."

"With what?"

"Mega Man here don't know how to eat, and we was thinkin' you'd be tha thug fo' the job."

"Oh! Oh! You poor soul!" Kirby cried, reaching on his tiptoes and grasping Mega Man's hand like he was on his deathbed. "Of course I'll help you! I know all there is to know about eating!"

Kirby dashed to the decimated refrigerator and made an ice cream cone, bringing it back over to Mega Man. "Okay, so hold out your hand, and firmly grasp the cone."

Mega Man feebly grabbed at the food item and dropped it. Kirby managed to catch it before it hit the ground. "No, _FIRMLY GRASP IT!_ " He shoved it into the blue bomber's hand, who grabbed it so tightly to cone cracked in a million places, getting melty ice cream everywhere.

"Good!" encouraged Kirby. "Now, open your mouth…that's it…and you bring it towards your face and get it in your mouth!"

Mega Man, very eager to try out this wild and crazy technique, thrust the ice cream at his face, missing his mouth entirely and slapping it onto his cheek. The ice cream then fell off the cone and splatted to the floor. Mega Man looks very dejected at this failure. "How am I supposed to eat it like this?"

"That's fine, Mega Man, it's just your first try. We can get another one, that one's all ruined."

Pit then dashed in through the window and skidded to a halt in front of them. "'Ruined' is not in my vocabulary!" He promptly ate the ice cream of the floor and trotted off to question TL about his undoubtedly swagtastic new engagement. Mega Man sighed, but his mind was churning. He recorded the way in which Pit ate food just now in his databases, and requested of Kirby, "Can you make another ice cream?"

"That's the spirit, buddy! Don't give up!" Kirby replied, doing as Mega Man asked. Mega Man took the frozen treat from the puffball and promptly dropped it on the floor.

"Mega Man, that's not how you do it!" yelped Kirby.

"'Not how you do it' is not in my vocabulary!" cried Mega Man, and he dropped to the floor and began to mimic the floor-eating technique he had witnessed. He found that it was much easier to do it like this, and it was time for the moment of truth. Would the food actually be ingested?

To save unnecessary, difficult description, it did.

"IT WORKED!" yelled Mega Man. Kirby cheered, and R.O.B nodded in a very sage yet swagulous fashion. Now Mega Man didn't have to get all Atlantic-ocean salty about others eating, because he could do it too, using his new floor-eating method! R.O.B was slightly wistful, for he didn't even have a mouth with which to eat. But then, eating was pretty mainstream, and while he was happy that Mega Man had succeeded, he would never want to be caught dead doing such a mainstream thing himself.

"Well, I hope yuz learned a lesson," said R.O.B. "I be outta here now, yo. Got an apprentice tah teach 'bout bein' gangsta. Peep ya later."

R.O.B had noticed how many people were using the window nowadays, he decided it was time to switch it up, so as to not be mainstream. Instead, he raised his arm rotors to the sky like superman, tattoo shining like a vampire from Twilight or something, and rocketed straight up through the ceiling, leaving an awed crowd behind him as he made his swagitudinous exit.

"It has been decided!" cried Nana. "Going through the ceiling is the new cool thing!"

Everyone nodded in assent…but then Marth said, "Wait…R.O.B just made a cool, epic, and not-mainstream exit from the kitchen…which means…"

Everyone was suspended for a moment, before they scattered and attempted to distance themselves as far from the room as possible. However, it was a bit too late.

 _BOOOOOM!_ The kitchen exploded epically behind R.O.B in a fiery explosion of swag. His shades unmoved, he did not look back as he flew into the sunset. Master Hand was outraged at the giant, inexplicable hole blown in the building, and blamed Pit and Ness for screwing with the oven again. The two were very disgruntled at the accusation, but Master Hand wanted none of it. Their punishment was that they were forbidden from going to TL's gangsta wedding. Bummer, yo.

 **The last bit about the oven was the _Microwave Cookies_ thing. Also, it's official. The ceiling is the way to go. *rockets off through ceiling***


End file.
